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Living Up to Expectations…

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I have a confession to make… I am 31 years old and I still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up…

No, wait… that’s not right… I do know… And I know I can do it… I have all the sets of skills… and the knowhow to make it happen… I am good at it… Or so I’ve been told… quite a few times actually… And I quite often get paid to do it so that should be more than enough proof of that, right? RIGHT???

I am usually my biggest critic… So save from very few people, critics come not just easy on me, but are often encouraged… I believe in improving… Always.

But for some reason that I can’t fathom, the opinions of me and what I do carry a huge weight on me when they come from this very small group of people that comprises of my family and a few other VIP in my life. Their encouragement is usually all I need to climb the highest of mountains… And it usually works for a while… Until I figure that what I am doing I am doing for all the wrong reasons…

Sounds bad… but is the truth… I was talking about that to a friend today  and she is the one that called my attention to that… that made me think about it and as much as I hate to admit it my track record really shows that I am always trying to please others and up abandoning things that are important to me, forgetting about what I LOVE and what I am GOOD AT to meet with someone else’s expectations…  something that I can only bring myself to do for so long… Which is where I tend to jump into another train in search for myself.

My whole career has been like that… My whole life…

Does it make any sense?!?!?!!?  No??? Yeah… I didn’t think so either…

My sister was mad at me earlier today because she says she wishes I had de ease to grasp things like I do and I instead waste the chances just like that… She went on ranting with my mother on how I was accepted in X amount of universities and dropped out of Y number of courses and how I waste  my potential in doing things that are beneath my capacity and how I should do this or that which then fuelled my mother’s rage at an argument we had today about me going back to studying and me opposing to it because I have other priorities and have no time or place of mind to going back to it… Yeah… things were kinda ugly, specially when I decided there was no point on hearing to any of it anymore…

Doesn’t what I consider a priority for me right now make any sort of difference?

The fact is that sometimes is hell in my head… I have ideas and random thoughts flowing in my head all the time… And I have a hard time coping with those most of the time, let alone trying to accomodate everyone else’s thoughts of what and how I should be doing things… I’ve tried that… it doesn’t work… Plus I am stubborn…

Doing “the right thing” isn’t always right…

I know they mean it with all the good intentions and that they really want to help… Most of the ideas and suggestions are good in principle… but they distract me from what I need to focus on… And believe me… distracting me is not that hard a thing… I think it is time I focus on doing MY THING without having to accomodate all other ideas into it as well… I’ve tried that… it doesn’t work… If I don’t have my heart on something it will eventually lose my interest…

I need to try to do my thing without adding up to it to satisfy other people… Just this once…

And if that means I need to learn to say NO every now and then then so be it… I am awful at saying no… But is time to stop feeling stuck in the middle…

Things aren’t rally going RIGHT so far… so I thing I’ll try and go LEFT. 

Let you know how THAT goes as it goes… 😉

EDIT: A valid point was raised… if any of my sons ever decided to drop out of uni to pursue his dream/follow the path he thinks he needs to follow if I’d support and encourage him… well… I didn’t have to think about that much… yeah… I would!!!! And if that didn’t work for him I’d be there for him… I try to raise them to think for themselves… what sort of example would I give if I tried to stir their lives for them?!?!? Sure, until they are old enough to take their own decisions I am more than happy to stir the boat… but even I know when to let go and let them swim on their own… this is life… we raise our kids for the world… not for ourselves! Rant Over


4 comments

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  1. very simply…..

    WELL SAID

    SPOT ON

    and

    SNAP

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  2. Tell ’em to get their own house in order first! Until someone is 100% happy in their life and what they’re doing/giving advice about, their advice is worth nada!

    DO WHAT YOU WANT!

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