The Birds, The Bees and The Bow Cheeky Bow Wow
So… you know that dreaded moment in the life of a parent when he/she has to have that little chat with the kiddo and explain certain truths of life… Little things like “if kids come from mum’s belly how did they GET in there?”… For THAT I would be prepared… hell… I even had the discurse rehearsed in my head (I wanna be a cool daddy… so I decided I would never lie to the kiddos in things ) but NOTHING could have prepared me for what happened…
You see… The Big Monkey is quite internet savvy… So I have blocked access to a variety of websites from the one computer he has full access to while he is with me. So when he went to one of his usual sites to play online games/watch zombie animations (yeah… he likes zombies right now…) I didn’t pay much attention and went to the kitchen to get biscuits with Little Monkey leaving him to his own devices.
When I came back I noticed him laughing to what looked like a Ben 10 Character so I went to see what he was laughing about… My heart skipped a beat, my jaw fell and I was speechless for what seemed like an eternity (it was about 5 seconds… but still…) He was watching Ben 10 indeed… but the girlie was fighting a monster with 3 snake like cocks and they were… well… I don’t really need to describe the whole scene, do I?
The monkey had accidentally discovered Hentai… And he thought it was funny… Erm…
After telling him to close it (I think he kinda noticed the urgency of it when I told him because he looked kinda startled… and he shut the whole window… he never does that… he usually shuts only tabs…) I texted his mum asking her if she wanted me to wait til I delivered him tomorrow so we could all sit and have a chat or if I should just go agead and do the talk of the birds and the bees myself… Her answer was simple : You said you’d do the talks!! See, if we’d had girls instead…”
Yeah… Not a lot of help… But hey… I gave my word… I’d do the boy talks… she’d do girl talks (Shame we only had boys really… damn…).
Now… it is kinda hard to know how to start the Birds and Bees chat if no one ever had it with you… Yeah… I’ve learned with books and chats to friends… AND the World Wide Web (which was a lot smaller when I was 15). So… we had our little chat… was a lot les awkward than I thought it would be… Guess it pays to simply being open and not bullshit around with metaphors etc… Mind you… not THAT open… There is still time for that and let the child be a child, right?!!?!? I think I’ve covered the basics… I’m sure I had told him most of it before anyway (Monkey is too damn curious!!!) And I have answered most of the questions he had…and promised to answer SOME of the other ones when he is older… Then we went on to play “Fight for the Ball” Our own little version of rugby… but prison rules apply… Nothing like a little of rough and tumble to take yer mind out of awkward things, right?!
Quick question… Have you ever thought on how you will do it when yo HAVE to do it? And if you have already had that chat… how was it?!?!? I’d REALLY love to know to be honest… just to make sure I didn’t make too much of a fool out of myself… LOL!
Okay… I think I’ve rambled enough for today… just got one more thing to pick on… WHO THE HELL INVENTED THE TERM BIRDS & THE BEES?!?!?! I mean… lets analyse that… Does it make any sense?!?!? Is like, you are using a metaphor trying to not give too much info to your kid… and at the same time you are telling your child that is OK to have loads of sexual partners… I mean… is that what birds and bees have in common isn’t it?!?! The “visit loads of flowers and polinize each of them”… Bit of a conundrum, no?!?!?!
I vote for changing the name of the term from “The Birds & The Bees” for “Bow Cheeky Bow Wow”…
Who’s with me?!?!?!
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