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What’s Stopping you?

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I woke up missing the road less traveled… I’ve been feeling like that a lot over the past few days…

I wan to get up, pack a bag and run away!

I want to disappear…

I want to get lost and find myself in places I’ve never been. I want to get away from this crazy thing they call life… The rules I don’t understand and the madness that makes no sense.

The guy in the mirror asked me “what’s stopping you?”

I stared back at him and, to be honest, I didn’t know what to say. There is nothing stopping me but myself.

No… That’s a lie… It has to be, right?!?!?

And then I tried to look at all the things that might be keeping me anchored…

They look like a bunch of excuses! What am I waiting for? What’s REALLY keeping me here?

I’ve asked myself this exact same question once before… This prompted me to become a wanderer, a nomad for a whole year. It introduced me to some amazing people, all with their own unique traits and things I’ve learned from them in their own way. It opened windows and doors to experiences I’d never think of otherwise.

It gave me ideas, and woke me up to a whole sub-culture that I never thought could be such a great thing…

And for a time it was awesome… Come to think of it… The only reason even tried to find my roots again was Nat… I think I’d be happy still be living off a rucksack, waking up in different places… surrounded by different people… Immersed in different lives… Different stories…

I write this sat in my room… The enormous space only for myself feeling so empty…

The one thing I’d change in the whole experience, is the fact that I didn’t have anyone to share the moments with…

I feel like I found this companion in Blue… Someone that might be about as mad as I am, and that could probably crave the adventure as much as I do… The prospect excites me and scares me at the same level… We’ve been talking about this and the feeling I get is that she asks that same exact question herself… “What’s stopping me?”

I don’t know if she has the answer either…

Life feels like it suspended in mid-air right now… Delicate… And I don’t know if it will crash or it will fly.

Life is weird… And it feels so much simpler in the road less traveled…. “What’s stopping me?”

Hasta La Vista…


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While You Wait

So… Blue read my last blog post…. xD

Between giggles and a mischievous tone she told me: “I dare you to write about what crosses your mind while you wait for me…” Now this should be interesting… I the first thing that I thought…

With the same mischievous air she added: “I’m gonna hop in the shower now. Let your imagination do it’s thing. I’ll be misbehaving myself :P!”

Damn it Blue!!! You REALLY know how to push my buttons huh?!?!?

Okay… Challenge Accepted!!!

What crossed my mind then… Well, firstly the obvious… A Very cheeky Blue undressing with a cheeky grin in her face, knowing my imagination would be going wild. Slowly taking off piece by piece until there is simply nothing left.

With the same mischievous smile she’d pop into the shower and start soaping her body… But you see… I can be a little mischievous too… So told her she wasn’t allowed to leave the shower until she had climaxed 3 times whilst thinking of things I’d do to her…

so I believe it is obvious what comes next? The water washing over her naked body, hands and fingers following the contours and curves, grasping her own breasts and pinching nipples whilst her free hand reaches down… fingers dipping and rubbing, playfully enticing senses… Breading hard… sighing and groaning loudly… Till she’s done what I asked… Still grinning with satisfaction knowing in my mind it could be much… much… dirtier…

Stepping out of the shower, her hair and body damp walking towards me… Kissing me… As her towel falls…

The rest of what I thought… Well… That is just none of your business my dear reader…

And I will leave it to your imagination… 😉

What comes next? I have no idea… But I can’t wait to find out… 😉

Hasta la Vista!


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Fashionably Late…

Anyone who knows me will also know I make a bit of a habit of being fashionably late…

… I can’t help it… I swear I don’t do it on purpose!

You will also know I am always all over the place doing one thing or another… And jumping between them as the day goes by. So yeah… It isn’t EXACTLY my fault… is it? Please say it isn’t?!?!

On the other hand though… I am not a very big fan of waiting either… I get bored pretty easily.

Thank goodness, though, I’ve been spoiled rotten throughout the years and have always dated women that are a little bit anal about being always in time. (that’s mostly their words not mine, so don’t shoot me!).

With time some of it kinda rubbed on me tho… maybe… I mean… it had to right? Every time I was going somewhere WITH them was “be on time or suffer the consequences…” and believe me, if you know who I am talking about you KNOW just how true that is!

Anyway… If you been following the blog since I got back to the world of the living you will know I am currently facing one hell of a challenge… You see… I met this girl…

She is frustrating and complicated and a bit of a puzzle to me… But at the same time so very incredibly… Unique… In far too many ways that don’t come to the point right now… But that has earned her my undivided attention…

Guess I need to find a name to call her here… hummmm… Blue! It’s decided! Even though her hair is not really blue anymore… but yeah… BLUE!

Back to the point though: TIME MANAGEMENT!

It seems I am currently paying for all my sins in this area. Blue is not exactly the best at doing it. And it might surprise you, but she might  actually worse than me on that one! As in, “lets meet at 12” and arriving at 4 kinda late…

To her defense she did warn me that she is not the best at arriving places in time…. but yeah… lol

Today she surprised me though… She was only 30min late!!!!!!!! 0_0

And it was more than worth it too… *sighs* … a text message right after made me melt…

Anyway…

I didn’t think it would happen this fast, I didn’t want it to happen this fast, but the heart wants what the heart wants I guess… And we are getting closer… And it is all scary and delicious at the same time right now… And even thought we both decided to go and slow down a little, we simply can’t stop talking to each other from the moment we wake up to the time she falls asleep on me (it seems to be a rule between us… she always falls asleep while we talking in bed).

I think is so freaking cute!

Which brings to my next conundrum:

What do I do while I wait?!?!?! (yes…  this is a loaded question… I know)

I mean, most times is pretty easy… I try and catch up on work and other things… but there will be a time where I won’t have this option… So, my dear readers… I am open to ideas!

leave me a comment, tweet me, message me, skype me… get them flooding my inboxes…

It’s gonna be a loooooooong ride… In more ways than one… But I’ll talk about it another day…

Right now… What you think my dear friends? How shall we play the waiting game?

Hasta La Vista!

 

Disclaimer: This post is brought to you by a little too much wine and a well developed sense of humor… I’d still love to war ya tho!!! 😉


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What’s in Your Cards?

I’ll be honest with you… half the time I have no idea what I’m doing till I’m doing it.

Planning ahead was never my strong suite, even when I actually did it. I am the sort of guy that will improvise and bend rules even when there is a plan made in advance to be followed.

Is that a bad thing?

I’ve been feeling stuck this week… Like… VERY stuck… as in I had NO IDEA what came next AT ALL…

Spent most of the weekend in my room trying to figure out where to go next. Been feeling a little overwhelmed since last week. Confused to say the lease, but mostly because I simply don’t know… There is just TOO MUCH going on.

Out of an impulse, I asked Livi to read my Tarot and see what it said…

I’m not gonna go into too many details… but if I had to resume what it said there in one word, there is NO DOUBT that this word would be CHILL!! And then there would be a close second too: SEE THINGS THROUGH (is there one word to define that?!?!?!) !!

You see…. I am incapable of saying no sometimes… and even when I do I am still very tempted to change my mind just to say yes just to see where it goes… I figure, What the heck… Life is too short, RIGHT?!?!

So I take on too much stuff… And end up neglecting some of the important ones because of all the sideshows.

Yeah… that is a bad thing.

Looks like I’ll have to learn to let some things go before I can move forward in other things… And I know exactly what to do right now… I have a plan!

Question is… How many bendy roads will I go to see this one through… and how many times am I going to stray from the it before I can get to the destination?

Guess we’ll see…

Hasta La Vista!


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I can’t breathe…

You know those days where EVERYTHING seems to be upside down?

That is today… I have been crying a few times since I woke up… Life is nowhere near where I had planned.

Hell, life’s been one complete mess for the past year and a half or so if I am to be completely honest with you. I have no idea what happened to that guy that had a plan, or the one that was “living the dream”… The Rolling Stone as Nat called me a couple of months ago…

“A Rolling Stone Gathers no Moss, and a little green looks good on you”

I have to admit, I was all over the place… but it was by choice. I understand that not a lot of people could understand the logic in my chaos, but I needed that. Part of me still things I need it. I have a nomadic soul and this part of me is craving the freedom that lifestyle gave me.

I even think I was a better dad when I felt the freedom.

I felt more stable… Which is weird, come to think of it… Considering that at the eyes of society I am more stable now.

I’m not… Not the way I see it anyway… I feel like I am blowing relationships out of sheer frustration. I am pushing people I shouldn’t and I am making deals with the devil knowing he will come back and ask for the payment soon.

What is the point of gaining the world and losing your soul? Your peace of mind?

I am so very mad at myself right now that I don’t know how to put it into words…

One side of me wants to pack up and take the road again…

… The other wants to have this stable life by society standards…

I am so fucking confused as to who I am and what I want right now that I wouldn’t know how tho even begin to explain it… I know that is no good, but I feel I need to get it off my chest…

I see the way ahead, and it looks bright… And that scares me… For the first time in a while I can see beyond the end of today… Shouldn’t that make me happy instead of scaring the crap outta me?

My life is a battlefield, and my mind is raging war on my heart in every front…

I saw what I did as I did it… I played my part and ordered the preemptive strike… I did the one thing I knew it would push her away… She was too close to my heart so the little bit in my mind that is so very fucking afraid of being happy went and did it again…

No… I’m not afraid of being happy… I want it, and I want it very much… I am, however, very afraid of having it all swept from under my feet again… THAT is what scares me the most… Because they higher you climb the harder the fall… And I’ve had so many of those in my life that I think I am starting to be afraid of heights.

I need to breathe… Can’t let fear take over… there is too much at stake…

So what now?

Where do we go from here?


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What’s Stopping you?

I woke up missing the road less traveled… I’ve been feeling like that a lot...
article post

While You Wait

So… Blue read my last blog post…. xD Between giggles and a mischievous tone...
article post

Fashionably Late…

Anyone who knows me will also know I make a bit of a habit of being fashionably...
article post

What’s in Your Cards?

I’ll be honest with you… half the time I have no idea what I’m doing...
article post

I can’t breathe…

You know those days where EVERYTHING seems to be upside down? That is today… I have...
article post